hello there.

for this journal i have a bit of a rant. today i was sitting in the sun because it was very very cold and i wanted some heat. so while i was sitting i noticed my best friend looking at me. i looked back in a questioning way, and he proceeded to say that i looked very 'dark' today. at first i was a little offended. it wasn't exactly a rude thing to say, but it wasn't nice either. it was more one of those thoughts that you keep to yourself. i suppose my face gave away my first reaction because he tried to explain himself, but made it much, much worse. i tried to get my point across by telling him that saying someone looks "dark" is equivalent to saying someone looks "pale" not really a rude thing to say, but certainly not all that nice. then he goes on to say "yeah but pale is really attractive." i let the conversation drop there. he must've realized again how that sounded because again he tried to explain himself. but failed at getting his point across. i wasn't mad at him for it, i mean he is my best friend and i know that he is just about the king of foot-in-mouth situations, but this put him in a new light for me. i realized that he's very shallow. it was almost blinding how clear this became to me. though we are best friends, i realized that he never has anything nice to say to me. any comments aren't exactly compliments. just things he observes about me and then blurts out, not always in the nicest way. whereas all of our other friends, the pretty "pale" girls, receive many compliments. all the time. pale is attractive to him, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it is in many ways shallow. i'm black. not in any stereotypical sense of the word but just black by race. i can't help my skin color, but i do love it. i wouldn't feel right if it were any other way. but what i can't get past is how people, like my best friend, are so preoccupied with skin color. shouldn't we like people for their insides and not their outsides? i mean sure, you notice the outside first, but that is no judgment of beauty, nor should it be used as one. again, i just have to let his faux pas go. i know how he is, and i know that he has a miraculous talent of putting his foot in his mouth more times in a minute than the average person does in a day. but i see him differently now..and im not so sure how i like it.
thoughts of the random persuasion:
-i admire someone who loves the inside more than the outside
-the phrase "faux pas" makes me laugh because i want to literally call it "fox paws"
-counting down the days til winter break
-i adore those people who have a good head on their shoulders. why aren't there more of them around?